i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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