You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
