You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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