the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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