A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
