I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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