WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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