The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
