giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
