omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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