Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
