I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Found your dick twin last night
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
