Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
