i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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