Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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