how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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