So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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