i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize