the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
