i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
