Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
