Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
