I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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