and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
