I skipped work to stalk him.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
