If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
