No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
