do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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