You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
where am i from again
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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