I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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