Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize