I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
