Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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