God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Randomize