Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
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