how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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