Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
