i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
