Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
