Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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