The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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