So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
