Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
