i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
