And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
