I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
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