she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
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