You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
