I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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