I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
