he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
