My brain says no but my pants say off.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
