we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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