Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
