Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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