i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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