I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
