You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
