Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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