I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
