Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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