pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
