I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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