i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
