Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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