speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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