She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
