The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
