??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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