we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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