I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
