don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
