Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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