Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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