I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
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