If i come over, it means nothing
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
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