yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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