WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
