My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
vagina is talking i cant
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
