Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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