Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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