Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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