She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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