I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
