I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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