You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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