In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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