i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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