I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
