me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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