So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
