k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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