Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
