So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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