The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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