we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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