I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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