Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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