I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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