1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
