I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
