Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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