My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
