Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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