I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I don't deserve a penis
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
