Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
