Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
