i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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