He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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