I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
